Turkey Day Terror (or, How to Attract Readers With Needlessly Sensational Headlines)
The first Thanksgiving I spent with my now ex-wife, and I was doing the cooking as usual. I was just getting ready to put the turkey in the oven when someone knocked at the door. It was another couple she had invited over for dinner. My ex-wife was in the shower, so I went to answer the door. I wasn't gone a whole minute, but that was enough time for our German Shepherd and our flat-coated retriever (Della and Larry, respectively) to get the turkey off the counter. When I came back to the kitchen, each had a leg in their mouth and they were playing tug-of-war with the bird.
I managed to get the bird away from them, minus the legs, and I kind of freaked out. I couldn't roast the turkey in this condition. So, thinking quickly, I deboned the bird and removed the skin. I pounded the meat out to a uniform thickness, then took the oyster dressing and spread it out on the meat. I rolled the whole mess up, wrapped the skin around it, and tied it like a roast.
Our guests, who had not witnessed the dog disaster, thought the 'gourmet turkey roll' was just the greatest thing. I only told my ex-wife about it the next day. Everyone, including the dogs, thought it was the best Thanksgiving ever.
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