Millions of peaches

I like to joke that I'm a lazy gardener. When you plant a fruit tree, fruits drop by the bushel every year. I live in the city, so I have to be judicious with what space I have. Rule of thumb: Don't grow things unless they fruit or flower. But there's more to it than cutting back branches every spring. From April to October, there's an all-out war on my property. It's me against the birds and bugs who try to decimate my crop. I'll get emotional if I bring up squirrels. I'm armed with netting, a fake owl to spook...