Take your pleasure seriously

There are two times in a woman's life when society expects her to be a stressed out shell of herself. So much so, that if she isn't frazzled, one might think she isn't doing it right. When are these two times? During her wedding planning, and during the holidays.

I got married in 2006, when the term "bridezilla" was still being bandied about. I didn't fall into that trap. As a natural hostess, I love planning parties, and this felt like planning the biggest party of my life. I didn't take it too seriously. Marriage was serious. The wedding? Well it was just a party.

Moving on. The holidays. Much like weddings, the expectation is that we are going to carry most of the weight. The baking, the shopping, the wrapping. It's this time of year when we hear very valid gripes about "weaponized incompetence" - people (in this case, our partners) not pulling their weight because "they would be so bad at it." Or worse, doing something badly so not to be asked to help again. 

I'll admit, I did most of the wedding planning and I don't just pull off Christmas in this home. I am Christmas. That being said, no one likes a martyr. I delegate tasks when need be, I ask for help, and I say no when necessary. The one thing we hear over and over is how the holiday season is the spirit of giving. And it's true. There's nothing like seeing someone's face light up when you get them something they truly wanted, but would never buy for themselves. Or seeing your child's face light up when you plug in the Christmas tree for the first time. But we should also be kind to ourselves. Let's avoid burnout.

How? Treat yourself! If this holiday is about giving, then it is certainly about receiving too! If your loved ones are hideous at gift-giving, don't pout this year. Tell them what you really want. I make my own happiness. Life is too short to wait on others to give it to me.

The other morning, my friend Keri (pictured above, right) and I met before sunrise to get first dibs of the scrumptious baked goods at Can Can Brasserie, an impeccably chic bistro in Carytown, Richmond. But the place is more than vintage Parisian light fixtures and a zinc bar. Their food is incredible. And while we had to rise early, there was no traffic as we drove under pink and orange skies. We got a window seat, which is nearly impossible at Can Can. And we got our pick of the pasteries before they sold out. 

Now, it may not feel like a big thing, going to a local restaurant. But it was an event. Bakery service is only available from 7-10a. Most people are trapped in their morning rituals. We broke free. We sipped cappuccinos so good, they didn't need sweetener. We ordered at least six different pasteries off the menu. A cream-filled, caramel-topped "cruffin" (croissant-muffin), a pastry twisted with arugula, pesto, and sun-dried tomatoes, pistachio madelines, a ham and fontina croissant, an apple cheesecake pastry - we were swimming in flaky, buttery goodness and we ate it largely with our eyes closed. We lounged before our workday, telling jokes and dipping our croissants into foam. It was luxurious. 

Carve out moments like this for yourself. If you're baking for the holidays, tuck away an extra batch just for yourself. Fold in extra chocolate chips and save them for a night of cheesy Hallmark holiday movies. If you're holiday shopping, stop in somewhere for a manicure. Or better yet, dip into the theatre and take in the big holiday movie. Studios always pump out the crowd-pleasers during summer and the holidays. 

If you're decorating for the holidays, take a day off of work to do it, so you can save your weekends for parties. Sleep in, and once you're in the zone, get take-out so not to slow you down. Take a drive into the mountains to see snow. Think of things, little attainable things, that bring you joy. Then carry them out, because you deserve to take your pleasure seriously.