The unspoken food rules in relationships

Some of my friends thought it risky that I chose not to live with my husband prior to marriage, but we went old school anyway. I'm not a very traditional person, I just loved being single and living on my own. I wanted to enjoy that era as long as I could. Besides, for us, love was more than a feeling. It was an act, and we were going to make it work no matter what.

Of course, this comes with a learning curve. You truly don't know what you're in for until you move in. But that's what made being a newlywed so exciting. That's when the rules and responsibilities started falling into place. Much of it was unspoken. He did the trash, naturally. I did the laundry, no question. 

With food, however, there was much to navigate. For starters, both of us are passionate about cooking and entertaining. In fact, it's my husband that discovered Ladles and Linens in the first place. He loves kitchen gadgets, big and small, store-bought or self-made. Below is an image of pizza he made from a wood-fired oven he built himself during the pandemic. It's a mathematically impressive Pompeiian-style oven with a domed roof, slate, and Moroccan tiles.

With food being a shared passion, with many set preferences on both sides, we both had to flex a little.

Once, I came home from grocery shopping, and as he rummaged through the bags, Robert said, "You didn't get tortilla chips." I continued putting groceries away, nodding. I felt his eyes on me. I turned to him. 

"No, I didn't."

"But we don't have any here."

"Okay?"

We stared at one another. He was trying to tell me that we needed to live in a home that always had tortilla chips. For him, it's a staple, like butter. It's been the rule ever since.

Tortilla chips were the first fronteir but other foods have cropped up too. We ran out of cilantro once, and when I asked if he purchased more, he was audacious enough to mention that we had parsley. Parsley. As if they could be substituted for one another because they look simiar side by side. That's like saying water and vodka are the same. I glared at him, and another unspoken, permanent grocery item was added to the list.

The food rules in our house are plenty, but rather than feeling oppressive, they make us more free. Because of our system, we always have what we need. For instance, on the side of the fridge, we have a grocery list. We add on items in sections we make as we go. We lump together dairy, produce, etc. so that we stay organized in the store. I never have to worry that we'll run out of peanut butter or olive oil, because when it runs low, we trust that the person who noticed it added it to the list. 

We also have separate lists; one for a regular grocery store, and a list for the Asian grocery store. No one market can meet all of our needs, since we make Vietnamese, Palestinian, and Korean dishes (pictured above). 

Every home has a different system, whether you live with a spouse, a roommate, or live on your own. And some of these rules are downright weird. My family knows that when we polish off a jar of pickles, jalapenos or peperocino peppers, we never dump the juice. Mama needs pickled eggs, and jalapeno juice is the best.

And the food rules are constantly evolving. I have been scolded against filming my husband stuffing sausage with the sausage maker, because it looks like he's making an obscene gesture. I find it hysterical. He woud prefer that I grew up. Eating dinner out back is strictly verboten by my husband if mosquitoes are out. Even when the weather is gorgeous. This is because Robert prefers expensive, all-natural, and essentially usless mosquito repellant. But he is forced to make an exception when we have guests (pictured above), so I invite them over. Often. 

Robert knows I'm above ever drinking out of a plastic cup, and serving me with any such apparatus is a sign of aggression. Sometimes he does it on purpose. 

Do you have unspoken food rules in your home? We'd love to hear about them. The quirkier the better!